What is your relationship to change?
Navigating change has been a central theme in my life. In this book, I share stories from my own life, as well as practical tips for finding your way amidst significant internal and external shifts.
I once held strong beliefs about myself:
I believed that I would never get divorced.
I believed that I would never emigrate.
These beliefs and many others were challenged in the past five years.
These external and internal changes shifted the ways I think about myself and see the world. I went from feeling like I had it all figured out, to feeling very lost and confused.
I wanted to write a simple, easy-reading book that can be a reference guide for some of the practices that have sustained me over the last couple of years. Many of these practices have become part of my weekly routine and others I return to as needed. In some way, I am writing this for my younger self, imagining what kind of book she would have benefited from a few years ago.
This book is a culmination of years of therapy and coaching, along with ideas picked up from books, podcasts and other resources. All of the tips and practices have formed part of my journey and helped me get to where I am today.
For me, the title of this book sums up how I felt during periods of major change in my life.
I remember the day I met my new financial advisor after the divorce. It was a rainy day in Cape Town and I sat in her office balling my eyes out, thinking: ‘How did this happen?’ I had my life planned out. I felt so fragile and out of control, as though my life was falling apart.
We all have stories we tell ourselves; about who we are and how we’re supposed to live. You may not yet be aware of the story you’re telling yourself, but you can be assured that there’s a strong narrative shaping the way you make decisions and the way you see the world.
These stories are challenged when we go through periods of change.
Having ‘my sh*t together’ (and how I define what this means) now looks a little different:
I no longer measure my worth on my productivity. Rather, I foster self-awareness and self-kindness, and can now quickly notice when that harsh perfectionist critic slides into my inner voice.
I am better at communicating my needs with my husband, family and friends. I try not to keep it all in like I used to.
I am much better at prioritising self-care and saying no.
Change remains hard, however I am much more open to the possibilities that might arise as a result. I also feel part of a larger whole and there is a sense that I am not going through these very human experiences alone.
Your version of this list will be different and it will also be shaped by how your journey unfolds.
This book is for you if you:
Have recently gone through or are going through a divorce / major break-up.
Have recently emigrated or relocated.
Have given up your mainstream career / corporate job to pursue your dream.
Have just given birth and are setting off on the adventure of parenting.
Are currently or have just experienced a Dark Night of the Soul and are experiencing significant internal shifts.
Any other massive life change not listed here.
What this book is not:
This book is not a guide on how to get you from point A to point B. Life is too complicated for a simple solution or a five step plan.
You can however expect to find stories from my own experience and practical tools and tips. Most of these practical ideas do not require a lot of mental effort or time. I understand how busy life gets, especially when you are trying to navigate logistics and admin that go hand and hand with change. You will find that most of these simple practices can be woven into the fibre of your current life.
Why practices and reflections?
You will see that throughout the stories and a little bit of theory, I offer examples of how you can integrate these ideas into your life, either through reflection or practice.
During my darkest moments, I felt very caught up in my head. I was trying to make sense of all the options, while constantly polling others for their opinions. To say that I had a ‘monkey-mind’ would be an understatement. I was in complete overdrive, constantly going through possible scenarios in my mind. This was exhausting and what’s worse, it did not help me reach a conclusion or an answer. I did not feel like I was going forward, only around in circles in my mind.
Perhaps you are feeling the same way.
When I reflect back on my journey, grounding practices were a saving grace. The act of grounding helped me to become present enough so that I could slow down my breathing, even if just for a minute. In these moments, I felt connected to a deeper part of me, a part that was not confused or in a state of overwhelm. This part of me knew exactly what I wanted and could offer me guidance on what I had to do next.
Slowing down and connecting with myself offered an opportunity to get in touch with my true self and my intuition, which would become a compass along my journey.
The true self has been described as a deer that hides away in the forest and only ever so often peeks through the bushes. In the same way, it is hard for our true selves to emerge in the hustle and bustle of life. Even more so when you’re in the midst of making a difficult decision or going through change. When we regularly engage in these practices, we provide the ideal conditions for our true self to emerge and show the way.
What’s included?
40 pages packed with stories, reflections and practical tips.
The book includes prompting questions to help you reflect on how the contents could be applied to your our own life. There is space for you to write down your reflections, which you can do electronically (editable PDF) or you can print the book if you prefer using a hardcopy.
A page dedicated to celebrating milestones in your life and writing these down.
A list of resources where I share some of my favourite podcasts and books that have carried me through difficult periods in my life. You can refer to this for even more inspiration and ideas!
